Vinko Anthony and Andrea Zaza are the men behind Beau Brummell Introductions, Australia’s first introduction service for gay men and they have shared with the RESCU ladies everything we should know about men and dating.
IS HE LOOKING FOR MISS RIGHT OR MISS RIGHT NOW?
There are a few simple cues we suggest to work out if your date has more than bedroom gymnastics on his mind. First up, he’s an active listener, adding to the conversation rather than simply focusing on himself and avoiding topics that are joint interests as opportunities to get to know you better. His definition of style and yours may differ but putting on his best shoes shows he values you enough to want to look his best. It’s the effort that counts. He is taking it easy on the booze to ensure the conversation doesn’t go from sparkling to slurred. And most importantly, he doesn’t push for a sleepover on the first date. Essentially you need to trust your instincts, you will both come to the date with different expectations and baggage so make sure you look at yourself first and ensure you are ready for a long term relationship before judging your date.
Your openness will ensure the date has the best chance of succeeding.
WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR FOLLOWING UP ON A DATE?
Fortunately, there are no rules. If you’re interested, be confident and follow up, don’t wait for the other person to do it. There’s no point in waiting for a certain time to respond. Take control – what do you have to lose? Confidence and honesty is a great way to start a great relationship and if he doesn’t respond then he’s just not for you. Keep it simple and send a genuine message clearly stating that you had a great time and you would like to see them again. At the same time don’t be a bunny boiler and offer them your hand in marriage after the first date. It is by giving warmth and affection, by having a genuine sense of concern for others – in other words through compassion – that we gain genuine happiness and positive outcome so just be yourself!
BOUNCING BACK FROM A DUD DATE
Bouncing back after a less than perfect date can be difficult so our tip is go home, have a glass of French champagne, borrow your favorite comedy movie and call a friend who makes you laugh so you can spend the evening together. It is hard not be disappointed about less than perfect dates but it’s all part of the process until the right one comes along. Look at each date as meeting someone new that you didn’t know before – and learning something new about yourself and what you want from life. Have a positive outlook and don’t over analyse, we are all different and you will not click with everyone or necessarily even be attracted to your date. But if he was the kind of guy that made you want
to cry rather than laugh, don’t lose faith. Perhaps ramp up the post date detox to include a few more good friends, additional bubbles and movies.
Dating can be tough but positivity, a sense of humour, supportive friends and a good understanding of yourself will make the journey to finding Mr Right that little bit easier.