Ways To Create A Deeper Level Of Intimacy

Love is hard sometimes. You know you’re in love because you feel it but there have always been blurred lines when it comes to the details… Why we fall in love? How it happens? Why can it happen so quickly yet sometimes so slowly? …. The only common factor when it comes to falling in love is that we choose to reveal deeper parts of who we truly are with ‘said’ person. There are a number of people in this world that struggle with intimacy. Even though you may be ‘feeling the love’ sometimes it’s difficult to show it. Here are three easy pointers to help you create and or bring back the intimacy in your relationship.

1. Self-disclosure and eye contact

On a first date (usually) you find yourself running through the basic rules of self disclosure.. You want to get to know the other person and they want to get to know you. This part is easy because they are the basics that make up your own personal story. You’ve said them all before, you probably jot them down on a form or two weekly. The tricky part is when you hit date 3,4,5,6…50! After a while the easiness of disclosing where you grew up and how boring your day job is begs for information a little deeper, a little closer to your heart. This makes us feel vulnerable and often it makes people feel scared.

Singles are not the only people that feel this way either! Sometimes in committed, established relationships it’s even harder! It can feel more risky to become vulnerable in front of your partner in fear they might decide you’re not the one for them. We humans love certainty, and revealing parts of ourselves which may create uncertainty might instill fear.

In an experiment with strangers, Arthur Aron and his colleagues requested that participants ask a set of questions to one another to test if self-disclosure could create an instant bond. This included questions such as:

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
What is your most treasured memory?
Share 5 positive characteristics about your partner.
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

The questions, partnered with four minutes of silent eye contact, were seen to create a deep bond between participants, even though they were strangers. Due to these results, partners already in relationships would see fit to try such an exercise as it could serve to significantly enhance their intimacy.

2. Sharing A Giggle

Everyone LOVES a good belly laugh… but it’s even better when you get to share it with someone else. Laughing immediately creates a strong bond between two people, leading to feelings of intimacy and closeness. Humour is a great aspect of the human personality simply due to the fact that many people do not share the same sense of humour! For this reason alone, it makes sense that when genuine laughter is shared with someone else you immediately feel as though you have a connection.

One study paired randomly assigned strangers and manipulated interactions to create or not create shared humorous experiences. The findings proved that those who shared a humorous moment with the partner felt significantly closer to their partner than those who did not. Something as simple as watching a comedy with your partner where you both relate to the humour can allow you to feel a great deal more intimate.

3. Exchanging feelings

Speaking about how you’re feeling on the inside is always difficult to some degree, however it has been scientifically proven to provide positive results for some couples. One study shows that couples who were instructed to deal with conflict by DISCUSSING how they were feeling and what seemed to cause the particular feelings that arose, reported feeling more intimate with their partner than those who simply had a rational conversation.

If you are able to forget the things you assume about your partner and instead revisit those private conversations, a beautifully strong bond can be found. While it can be scary to try to connect on a deeper level with the person you love, it may open doors to an even more profound experience. Not only will the intimacy between you both grow, but so will the mutual respect.