How do you make big decisions?
Dating is full of big decisions.
One is deciding to finally delete that dating app.
Another is to partner with a matchmaker, who will actually get to know you and help you find a match.
Then, after you’ve found a match, there’s the decision about where to go, whether you want to see them again, and the decision to keep dating them.
But the big decisions never end… even after deciding to spend the rest of your life with that person. With many big decisions, there is rarely a definitively right or wrong answer… so it’s up to you to figure out how to make decisions with your partner!
When you make a decision yourself, it’s easy to simply consider your options and preferences, then go with what you like best. When you are in a relationship, though, your decisions often affect someone else. That’s why you need to listen.
Listening means not just hearing what your partner prefers, but figuring out why. If you are buying a home together, your partner might want the home with the nice kitchen. At first, you might think that it’s because they are being picky. If you listen, you might learn that they want that house because it would be easier for them to cook. That’s not about being picky, that’s about making sure they have the best possible life that they can.
Your partner’s opinion is not the only opinion that matters when you are making decisions. Your opinion matters too! Both opinions matter, so never be afraid to speak up.
If you hide your feelings about a decision, it will never end well. It might seem like you are sparing your partner’s feelings, or keeping the peace, but it wouldn’t be keeping your peace. Any feelings that you hide will come back eventually. A real decision is made between two people, and with all the information laid out.
DON’T JUMP THE GUN
If you make a decision before consulting with your partner, and then go into a conversation with your mind already decided… that’s not really making a decision together. That’s making a one-person decision and then trying to convince the other person of your side.