Dealing with Anger

Everyone has felt anger at some point in their life. You may have felt anger when your friend or sibling broke your favorite toy all those years ago. Maybe you felt anger when your parents didn’t let you go over to your friend’s house. Ultimately, anger is a normal human emotion.

A matchmaker can find you a potential partner, but they can’t tell you how to deal with your anger. And while you might want to experience 24/7 bliss with your partner, the reality is that anger will rise up. Sometimes, that anger may even be caused by your partner.


You can’t destroy feelings

Sometimes, you might feel tempted to get rid of any unpleasant feelings you have. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Imagine how much easier it would be to just snap your fingers and no longer feel sad or upset. Unfortunately, that’s just now how human emotions work.

No therapist would ever tell you that the best way to help yourself is to try to quash your feelings, including anger. Getting rid of your emotions is not just impossible, but doing so would be ridding yourself of what makes you human.


Control your actions

Embracing anger as a part of your existence doesn’t mean you should excuse any actions that occur because you are upset. Being angry is normal, but doesn’t mean it justifies hurting someone’s feelings, or abuse. That’s why it’s important to understand anger – so you don’t let it do things you’ll regret.

You can control how you react to anger by recognizing in yourself what you need to do when you feel unpleasant emotions bubbling to the surface. Maybe that means going for a walk, or meditating. Once you recognize how your actions affect your partner, you will be able to improve your relationship.


Focus on the cause

While anger is inevitable, it doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to limit it. Recognize the things that make you angry, just as you recognize your reactions to that anger. If work is something that makes you upset, you may want to talk to your boss about what they can do to improve your experience. Maybe there’s a specific chore – like cleaning the whole bathroom – that makes you overwhelmed and upset. If this is the case, take the steps to clean the bathroom a little at a time so you aren’t faced with something that makes you angry.


Understand differences

While anger happens to everyone, it’s also important to remember that we all respond to anger in different ways. Just like different things make us angry, we all have different methods of responding to anger. Some people yell, some people bottle it in. So, communicate with your partner.

When you talk about your anger, try to do it when you and your partner aren’t feeling angry. While you may be tempted to solve a problem in the moment, that could just lead to more anger. When the two of you are feeling calm, talk about your triggers, your reactions, and your emotions, and work together to thrive as a couple.

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