Repairing in a relationship

Everything needs to be fixed at some point.

The hinges on your front door will be too loud. The spinning sprayer at the bottom of your dishwasher will come unattached. Your roof will spring a leak.

None of this is ideal, but it’s normal.

And none of it requires that you move as soon as something needs to be repaired. You wouldn’t get a whole new kitchen just because the toaster stopped working. You wouldn’t amputate your hand in favour of a prosthetic just because you had a hangnail.

Like all of these things, you might have to fix an aspect of your relationship at some point, too. And that’s okay.

Use a Manual

When you fix something, it’s helpful to use a manual – use the words from someone who knows what they are talking about to help repair the problem. 

Likewise, if there’s a problem in your relationship, you need to listen to the words of the person who knows what you’re talking about – your partner. 

Often, if there’s a problem in the relationship, emotions run hot. For that reason, you may hear things that aren’t being said. You might make assumptions about the situation based on your own emotions. 

Don’t listen to what you think you hear. Don’t try to fix things without using the manual. 

Actually, listen.

Get good tools

Obviously, it would be hard to fix the shingles on your roof without the required tools. You might be able to get the singles into place, but they won’t stay if all you do is set them down on the roof.

Fixing your relationship after a fight might require tools as well. 

Maybe one of those tools is taking a deep breath, or giving you and your partner a few minutes before you discuss the problem. You and your partner might even create your own tool – your own way of communicating – that allows you to address the problem and make steps to rectify it.

Seek an expert

There are plenty of experts in the dating world – such as matchmakers who can help you find a potential long term partner. There are also experts you’ll meet when you’re further along in your relationship.

This isn’t meant as a jab, but there are people out there who know more than you. There are experts like pastors, therapists, and counselors, but there are also those with less professional titles who can guide you to help you fix your relationship. A parent, family member, or friend may be able to give you advice based on their own experience. Don’t be afraid to seek them out.

Don’t give up

Sometimes, fixing things create their own problems. It can lead to frustration, confusion, and sometimes it may feel like it just creates more things that need to be fixed.

If you tried once and stopped trying, though, you didn’t actually try. Things that are worthwhile take time. You won’t fix a broken couch in less than a minute. Your relationship is worth it. So, stick with it.

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