There is much to be afraid of, it seems. Fear of world events, of creepy bugs, and of unknowns, like “What will my future be?” or “Will I have enough money when I retire?” or “Who has been using my Netflix profile without my permission?
When you partner with a matchmaker, you may think you are putting all your fears behind. While a matchmaker can certainly help you find that special someone, they can’t get rid of those fears you face in life. No one can, unfortunately. So, what do you do when fear shows up in your relationship?
Acknowledge it…
No one wants to be afraid, but it’s one of those inevitable emotions, like joy, or excitement, or disgust at your mother-in-law’s cooking. Everyone faces fear. Even Superman has Kryptonite, or bald rich guys. So don’t pretend your fear doesn’t exist.
When we acknowledge our fears, we recognize our triggers. Some phobias might be obvious, like mice, and some may have to do with your relationship, like a fear of being alone, or a fear of your partner leaving you. These relationship fears may not even be obvious to you, which is why it’s important to recognize them in yourself
by talking about it…
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important that you let your partner know about any significant fears in your life. This is crucial because without that knowledge, your partner won’t know how to help you when you are facing something that triggers you. They may not know that, leaving for a long period of time triggers in you a fear of being left. If you communicate the fact that it’s one of your fears, though, then your partner will be able to reassure you when the leave instead of letting you wallow in your fear while they’re gone.
and listening…
Like pretty much everything in a relationship, fear is a two-way street. Just like it’s important that you talk to your partner about your fears, you should also listen to them when they tell you about theirs. Listening, though, doesn’t just mean hearing them. You also have to act on the information they give you.
When you listen to your partner, acknowledge what makes them afraid. That means helping them avoid their fears when they can – so don’t buy a realistic fake mouse if they’re afraid of rodents, or buy them some Kryptonite jewellery if they’re Superman.
but don’t let it drive you…
Fear is sort of like a car. It’s something you should take seriously, as it has the potential to do a lot of harm. But ultimately, you need to remain in control. Don’t let your fear of never finding someone prevent you from going on dates, or partnering with a matchmaker. Take control, because ultimately, you are more powerful than your fears.
Taking control of those fears means knowing what they are and the effect they have on you. It means not trying to ignore it, because that won’t make it go away. And don’t forget: you don’t have to face your fears alone.
