Conventional wisdom tells us that it’s not what’s on the outside that counts, but what’s on the inside. Much of current dating culture disagrees, it seems. So many dating apps rely on matching with other users based on first appearance. Sometimes, users swipe so quickly based on less than one second of information:
How fit are they?
Do they have a nice smile?
What’s their height?
While partnering with a matchmaker will focus on what’s happening inside, is it really true that what’s on the outside doesn’t matter at all?
Looks matter
It may sound contradictory to the wisdom of children’s stories that have taught us for decades, but appearances do have an impact on the world. That’s just the reality. People will judge you based on your looks, and many will be drawn to you based on how you dress, or smile, or do your hair.
Pretending that looks have no impact on the world would be dishonest because we are a visual species. There’s a reason we have eyes. It’s okay to acknowledge that how we look has an impact on our lives.
They aren’t the only thing, though
While looks do matter, it is true that looks are not the only thing that matters. How many times have you spotted someone that drew your eye, only to realize that the person they were on the inside left a lot to be desired? We all have met that person who works out constantly or who has great skin who really isn’t the kindest person.
When you’re building a relationship with someone, their appearance matters, but of course, looks do not drive the actual connection. If you are attracted to each other, it can draw you in, but that’s not what will build your relationship. An emotional connection will!
Be aware of your appearance
This isn’t to say that you should completely ignore your appearance, of course. You can acknowledge that looking a certain way before you go out makes you feel good. You are allowed to post pictures of you and your partner when both of you are dressed up for a night out on the town!
Appearance can also affect how people feel about you. If someone is telling you a personal and vulnerable story, how would it feel to them if you were looking somewhere else, rolling your eyes? Not great, probably. So be aware of how you look – especially in your relationship.
But don’t let it consume you
Your appearance is about balance. You can feel good sharing pictures of your relationship, but you don’t need to pretend something you’re not. If you’re going through a hard time, like in your relationship, acting like everything is perfect won’t make those issues go away.
Looks can reflect the reality of a situation, but that doesn’t mean they always do. Be aware of appearances, but don’t let them rule how you view your relationship – or your partner.
Captions
- Find the person who excites you in any situation.
- Just your name makes me smile.
- Be okay with adversity. Because what matters is how you two get through it.
- I like the way we look together.
- It just feels natural with you.
- Sometimes, date night with your guy is all you need.
- I found you, you found me… and love found us!
