The word “change” is sort of a buzzword. It’s used when people talk about personal growth, or on motivational posters, or even in political slogans. We also here it with a negative connotation, though. We tell old friends “never change,” or tell someone who betrays us that they’ve changed.
Ultimately, change isn’t an inherently good or bad thing, but its value does depend on the context. It’s inevitable that people will change, but how do we know what’s healthy, and what’s sustainable, especially when it comes to a romantic relationship.
Why to change
If you’re with someone you love, it might seem counterintuitive to change. Why change if you’re happy? Why change if you and your partner care about each other? When you change, it doesn’t mean you have to change everything, just some aspects of a relationship. There are several reasons why you might want to change. Maybe you need to shake things up, and make your relationship more interesting. Maybe you and your partner need to fix the way you communicate because of too much conflict. Change the small aspect or aspects of your partnership if you feel unhappy in any area!
When to change
When you meet someone through a matchmaker, it might seem like nothing needs to change at first. But even perfect matches end up changing. That’s not indicative of your relationship, but of your species. Humans change. Humans react to the events around them, events that are always changing.
Don’t just change something for the sake of change. Change an aspect of your relationship because both you and your partner think it’s best. Make a change after a discussion, and make it after getting a chance to think about it.
What to change
With all this talk of change, what even are the things that you should change? It’s up to you what you might change, but the possibilities could be small things, like the way you talk to one another, your day to day routine, or even romantic behaviors.
You mind make big changes, too. While a job does not involve both of you, it does effect the relationship. Changing a job might help a couple for the better, giving you both more time or improving your mental health so your relationship improves. A change for your relationship might even involve changing your entire living situation, such as buying a house or moving into a new apartment.
How to change
Change is easier said than done. You can’t just snap your fingers and immediately alter things for the better. So, approach change slowly. Humans often follow inertia, which means altering their trajectory can be difficult. So, if you change, go slow.
Before you make a change to your relationship – as mentioned earlier – talk to your partner. It might help to make a list of what you expect from the change. Then, after your change is made, reassess. If it’s working, then stick with it! If you are both unhappy, then talk about what you can do differently. Change that change you’ve made!