There’s a show on Netflix called Love is Blind where contestants meet potential partners and decide if they want to get married… all without getting a chance to see them. The phrase itself originated in Chaucer’s Merchant’s Tale from 1405: “But love is blind and lovers cannot see / The pretty follies that themselves commit.”
Basically – when you’re in love, you won’t see the faults in the person you love.
Sometimes, the phrase is used to say that it doesn’t matter how someone looks. What matters is how you feel, how you connect.
So… is love actually blind?
Blind dates
If you’ve ever partnered with a matchmaker and met someone through them, then you’ll know the process involves going on a date with someone without ever seeing them before. Sometimes, these dates lead to long-term and successful relationships! So, does this mean that love is actually blind?
Well, no. Because when you fall in love – even after a blind date – you don’t fall in love during the date. And you weren’t in love before you met. Plus, there are plenty of blind dates that don’t actually lead to long-term relationships.
Don’t ignore faults
While being in love with someone can often allow you to see past their flaws, this doesn’t mean that being in love makes those flaws go away. Sometimes, we look past these flaws because we don’t want to admit that we would be with someone who is so “messed up.” Sometimes we so desperately want to be with someone that we pretend these flaws don’t exist. But this isn’t healthy. This isn’t love.
Just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you should be blind to the flaws before you. Because if you do, those flaws will just get worse, and could lead to a lot of resentment.
Loving others means acknowledging flaws
When you love someone, you love all of them – the good and the bad. This doesn’t mean you have to accept mistreatment, or be okay with everything they do. The opposite, in fact. Acknowledging flaws means communicating with your partner, talking about the things that bother you.
If you love someone through all their flaws, that makes your love for them even stronger. Ignoring these flaws would mean you love the idea of someone – but truly embracing the less-beautiful aspects of your partner shows that the love you have for them is real.
We love with all senses
Sometimes, we treat love like it’s some mystical, other-worldly concept. In many ways, it is. But love is also part of being human, and being human means embracing what you can see, hear, and feel.
So, embrace the flaws – or follies, as Chaucer put them. You didn’t fall in love with a perfect superhero or infallible robot. You fell in love with your very flawed partner. Don’t be blind to their humanity.
