No one wants there to be negative emotions in a relationship. When you partner with a matchmaker, you expect to find someone who will make you happy. And a good matchmaker will help you make the decision to be with someone who does just that – and help you find happiness forever. However, that doesn’t mean that everyone in the relationship will be happy all the time.
When someone gets sad, it’s not necessarily an indication of that person’s relationship. We all get sad. We all face the doldrums of not feeling like we’re enough, or face grief, or long for what we lost. So if your partner faces sadness… what do you do?
Let them feel
First and foremost… let them be sad! This is huge. It may seem overly simple, and like you’re not doing much when you let someone be sad, but it can be really challenging when someone doesn’t want you to acknowledge your feelings.
Not letting someone be sad could come from a place of love. No one likes seeing their loved one upset, so you might tell your partner to “cheer up” because you want to see them in a better mood. Still, that attitude could come from a place of unintentional selfishness. If you tell someone not to be sad because you don’t want to deal with their emotions, then you care more about your own comfort than about their feelings.
Sadness is normal
Besides, telling someone to be sad doesn’t actually make them un-sad. Sadness is a powerful emotion, something caused by a powerful hurt – loss, pain, regret. If not being sad anymore were as simple as telling someone to not be sad, then no one would be sad. No one would choose to face depression or grief. So, if someone is sad, let them be.
Allowing someone to be in their emotions could be a simple act. It could mean being understanding when your partner needs to stay in bed all day. Maybe you take on a bit more responsibility if you need to help out. Make dinner (their favorite meal can’t hurt), do the laundry, or tidy up if they’re feeling bad.
Ask your partner when they need so they can get back to normal, but remember that pushing too hard can make it worse. That’s why it’s important to let them lead. If they need to talk to a professional about it, you could help them find someone, but be gentle about it.
Whatever you do, try to not make someone feel bad about being sad. They’re likely already aware of how their mood is effecting things, so emphasizing that could just make it worse. Don’t get mad if they aren’t themselves, or accuse them of being lazy or trying to hurt you.
Instead, show them that you care more about them, and less about your own comfort. Offer to help them get past the sadness they are facing, but on their own terms, not yours.